Focus on God brings coherence. Focus on pain brings confusion. So, I focus on God. I'm not suggesting I ignore the pain. I cannot and will not. That would be a disservice to myself and to the one I lost. The pain is very real, but I focus on God. He's in there... somewhere... and he keeps me breathing... He keeps me making some sense out of life. Eugene Peterson says it this way in his brilliant pastoral commentary on the book of Revelation, "Reversed Thunder"...

All of us are subject to jarring inconsistencies and dislocating contradictions. We are disoriented and stagger dizzily under the impact of accidents and disappointments. If that is allow are conscious of we go crazy and live in bedlam. We maintain sanity by living in response to that which keeps us alive: food and trust, love and shelter, clothing and forgiveness, work and leisure. The exteriors and interiors of life cohere. The clamoring needs within and the imposed necessities without find their place in a hierarch of providence. Prayer discovers the coordination of all needs under the master of the one who supplies all needs. Prayer is a focus upon God whereby all things come into focus. By centering attention on God the center, all things become centered. Life is not indiscriminate bits and pieces mingled treasure and rubble. It is coherent.